Louise DarbyApril 14, 1920 - July 22, 2007
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
A BiographyLouise Zemish was born in a small town in Pennsylvania, not far from Newburgh, NY where her parents were living. When she was four, some event occurred and her father moved his wife and daughter from New York to California, maintaining a distance from the family on the east coast. They came by ship, stopping at Havana and sailing through the Panama Canal. Their destination was Los Angeles, but when the ship tied up at the foot of Broadway, her father thought San Diego looked like where he wanted to live. Based on his experience as a steam-fitter, her dad got a job with the San Diego City Schools in charge of maintaining the boilers and heating systems. Their home was nearby on Normal Street. There were a number of kids in the neighborhood to play with and Louise excelled at "kick the can" in the alley behind her house. Louise went to the Campus Laboratory School (part of the teacher training program at San Diego State College, which was then located near her house at Park and El Cajon Boulevards). The Depression came but, due to her father's steady employment, the family avoided most of the economic turmoil. She went on to San Diego High School. She already had a large circle of friends and participated in a number of extracurricular activities at school. She joined clubs, sang, and played badminton. She was a founding member (and the "Z") of the "A to Z Club". Eighty years later, she not only remembered many of the people she went to school with, but was still in contact with them. Louise did some college study at San Diego State College, but began her work career doing clerical and administrative work with San Diego City Schools. She worked both at some school sites and at the district offices. After World War II she began working in the San Diego County Department of Education at the 'Civic Center' (now called the County Administration Building). One of her duties there was to prepare the annual budget - a job which had her work with Assistant Superintendent Francis C Darby. Eventually they married after Darb convinced her that "they were each other's best chance for happiness." They bought a lot in Mission Hills and built a house that Darb designed. She had a ready-made daughter, Barbara, and soon Lee was born. Louise's career as a school employee ended, but no one ever worked harder at being a mother. There were play dates with other children - this required some creativity since her friends' children were generally much older. She did parent-child classes at the zoo, Museum of Art, and especially at the Natural History Museum where she achieved her goal of handling a large snake without showing any fear. When they would spend part of the summer at Mission Beach, she organized a beach party for guests almost every night. She managed the four-unit apartment at the beach and later an eight-unit apartment that put Barbara through college. Louise and Darb built another house in Del Cerro to have a pool, and she was the host of the Red Cross Backyard Swim Program. Lee started school (the Campus Laboratory School!) and she drove him to and from the campus every day. She was active as a classroom volunteer, as a PTA member and officer, and as a field trip chaperone. She was part of a 'Lab School Mothers' bridge group that she continued to play with not only after all the children graduated from the school, but even long after the school closed down. In the summer, they would take a major vacation each year. Sometimes it was a driving trip in the southwest. Twice they rented a trailer and drove around National Parks in the west. Or they'd fly to the city where Darb's Council on Educational Facilities Planners had their annual convention and do sightseeing in the area. In 1967 they developed a different kind of travel plan. Darb had an opportunity to take one year off and work for USAID (United States Agency for International Development) in Amman, Jordan. Louise arranged to pack up the house, rent it for the year, and live out of suitcases in Washington while attending orientation classes for wives of Foreign Service officers. The family arrived in Jordan just in time for the Arab-Israeli Six-Day War. Louise and Lee evacuated to Athens with Darb joining them a couple weeks later. While waiting for conditions to improve enough to return to Amman, Darb took a temporary assignment in Kabul, Afghanistan. Life in Kabul presented Louise with many challenges. A woman on the street without the full body covering of a chadri was an object of great curiosity. Shopping in the markets was always an adventure. Even with household staff it was hard to keep the house clean and dusted in a windy city of mud brick roofs. There were always several large pots boiling on the stove to insure an adequate supply of pure drinking water. Her favorite salads were less appealing after the lettuce had been treated with bleach. When Louise did return to Jordan in the fall, she observed that after Kabul, Amman seemed like New York City. There were still many parts of life which reflected wartime conditions, such as blackouts and curfews. Louise and her family were in the first group of American tourists to visit Egypt after the war. She enjoyed short vacations to Beirut to enjoy the peace and prosperity - and full availability of meat and dairy products - which Lebanon had to offer then. When returning to the United States after their time in Jordan was over, Louise and Darb did a major vacation through Europe. After visiting the Soviet Union, they did a driving trip all over Western Europe. They were enthusiastic users of the Europe on $5 A Day guidebooks, staying in small hotels in country towns much of the time. After learning how to negotiate the purchase/repurchase of cars in France, summers became a regular time of European driving trips. Louise and Darb again moved overseas as part of a team from San Diego State University Foundation to Brazil. Once again, Louise excelled at learning a new language - Portuguese - and becoming involved in a new community. She founded, organized, and hosted groups for flower arranging, conversational English and Portuguese, women's clubs, and church socials. Usually these groups were more about cultural interaction and building friendships than their stated purpose. She often accompanied Darb as he worked in most of the state capitals of Brazil. They made a return trip to work in Afghanistan again when Darb was requested by the Ministry of Education as a consultant. They employed some of the same staff in Kabul from their time there nine years earlier. The also hired one of their sons, a bright student named Samim, to be their "night guard" at the house. This job meant sleeping over in the room over the garage to answer any callers at the gate at night. This was a great job for a student since no one ever came at night and this left a lot of time for study. After the Soviet invasion of Afghanistan, Louise and Darb helped sponsor Samim to come to the US as a refugee. When Louise and Darb returned to San Diego, they embarked on a business venture they had considered for some time. Together with Lee they purchased a travel agency, Pathfinder Travel and Tours, Inc. Louise returned to full-time work, becoming a travel agent. She learned the technical skills of computers, airline reservations, fares, and ticketing. On her own, and together with Darb or Lee, she escorted tour groups and cruises to Europe, Latin America, Asia, and the Caribbean. Louise continued to work after Darb retired and the agency was sold. A couple years later she came to work for Lee when he started Helix Travel Inc in La Mesa. She supervised the office and staff when Lee would be away. She worked hard and was very effective since she genuinely liked people and her clients became friends. She continued working past her 75th birthday. Louise was always engaged in a number of social activities. She joined organizations for the fellowship and service to be found there. She was a member of the San Diego Woman's Club and could name every other member on sight. She was a member of PEO chapter ER. She was a member of University Christian Church as a child, then First Presbyterian Church for over 40 years, and more recently of Faith Presbyterian Church. Over the years she served on many church committees, as a Deacon, and as a server in the Ladle Fellowship feeding ministry. She and Darb were members of a Mariners' group. She played in a many bridge groups, and was a founder of several of them, but her interest was more in the gathering together of friends than it was in the card game. She could organize the house and prepare a casserole for a dinner party with just a few hours notice - and did a couple of times to solve a problem. In 2000 Louise and Darb moved to Casa de las Campanas and once again she threw herself into becoming part of a community. Within a couple weeks, Louise knew the names of hundreds of residents and staff. She volunteered in the Norte Library and served on the committee. She was on the Welcome Committee for many years and spent a year as chairman. Casa residents who went into the Health Center could count on regular visits. She enjoyed living at the Casa and was pleased to work on the Marketing Committee to share her experiences. It was the rare evening that she had not arranged to have dinner with old friends or to meet and make new friends. In 2001 Louise came to face some serious health problems when she was diagnosed with cancer. While she was quick to show concern for others, she didn't like to talk about own illness. She was thrilled that when she first began chemotherapy, she could wear a portable pump under a long blouse and no one need know what was going on. It was a little harder to conceal having surgery and the radiation and chemo that came before and after. But Darb took excellent care of her and she responded well to all the treatments. Darb's stroke in 2005 had a huge impact on Louise's life as well. She switched to being a caregiver and became a constant presence at the Health Center. Her own health continued to be an issue. New cancers were attacked with chemotherapy and radiation. She maintained a full schedule into June of this year.
The last battle with cancer did not turn out so successfully. Louise
went nonstop until couldn't keep it up any longer. Her life ended in the
same way she lived it - graciously.
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
The Memorial Service
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| . . |
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
From Sister Marietta, HPB (Barbara Darby):One of the ways I miss Mom was precisely this: she was the glue that held us all together. What efforts she made to have Dad talk to me (and not be frustrated if our answering machine was on). She called me once from their apartment and then ran over to the Health Center, panting and talking to all the way, in order to give him the phone with me on the line. I miss her for all she taught me about loving my neighbor tirelessly, and being kind and good without pride. She is more an absence in my heart than my own mother was, who sadly, because of conditions, I can hardly remember. This past year I would phone Mom occasionally on a Saturday night before she went to bed. It gave me a chance to catch up with her about how she was doing and I'm glad we had that special contact. As we were eating supper last night, I was thinking of the time Mom hurt her back and had complete bed rest for a while. I don't even remember how long it was, but Dad and I had to cook. He made a nice pot of Spanish rice, recalling that it was a specialty from his army experience; I remember how I couldn't ever get the vegetables to be ready to serve at the same time the main course was. Mom assured me that I would learn. She was my Mom for 53 years, and had a tremendous influence in shaping my life. I always admired her for accepting me, a rather disturbed teenager, into her home. Dad's indication to her that he wanted me with them someday may have seemed like a very different level of acceptance when I was ten years old and when I was 16. If she had any misgivings, I never knew it. I was having a particularly difficult time, and she did splendidly handling me and shaping me into a functioning human being.
From Samim Ezzat:I was thankful to God and so fortunate meet the Darby family while I was teenager in the 10th grade in Kabul, Afghanistan. They trusted in me without any fear and offered me a job to do nothing -- being a night guard at their home, to sleep on a comfortable bed with good money to spend. As a young boy, I lost my mother at an early age. I was looking for a lot of love then, and here were the Darbys. I found them very respectful and passionate for helping people. Even before I was planning to escape from the Soviet invasion of my country, I was thinking with a belief in God I got a strong feeling of courage that I had a family in the USA. After my journey to Germany, and two years later to the USA in 1982, I found again my dream of love from a Mother, who is Louise Darby. I call her "Mom" reminding me for my Mother. Mom, I know you are in a better place because what you have done in this world; for being passionate for helping others, for being thoughtful, for being kindness itself, and for showing gratitude. I remember all those summers after school for me, of coming to you, of feeling comfortable like being at home in Kabul. I thank you so much! You have earned to be loved. I will pray for you as long as my memory evokes. May Allah bless you and uncle Darb.
Your son,
From Sandra Darby, A Poem:
Tall and pretty with smiling face
A Message from Darb:When I wanted to convince you to marry me, I told you that we were each other's best chance for happiness. I have never been more right. It was my good fortune to be married to the right woman for 53 years. You were always a wonderful mother - no matter how old they were or whether or not you actually gave birth to the person. You were never short of love to show to people. We had so many adventures together: making a home, building a family, traveling the world, entertaining friends, living in foreign cities, working in a business, retiring to Casa. You made our social life live. You always would know everyone's name and say it to remind me. You kept me surrounded with friends. You took such good care of me and our home - and you always made it look effortless. When you became ill, I was glad to be able to drive you to all the daily appointments and look after you. I should have been to first to go. Never in any of my plans or wildest dreams did I think I could outlive you. I miss you so much. Your absence has left a big empty hole in the world - especially mine.
Lesson from My Mother, by Lee DarbyMy mother was such an important influence in every part of my life, it is difficult to know what to say without speaking for hours. So I would like to mention three areas where Louise taught me important lessons by her example. Louise always put people first in her life. She didn't follow news about celebrities, but she took an interest in every person she met. I don't ever recall her mentioning that she didn't like someone. She was legendary for remembering people's names. Once she was asked to introduce the San Diego Women's Club members who had guests at a special mother/daughter meeting - as she began she realized that she could remember the names of all their guests as well. When I arrived in Brasilia a few months after her, she introduced me to everyone she had met there - neighbors, shopkeepers, office workers, etc. I was saying "muito prazer" - very pleased to met you - about a hundred times a day. It really hit me when I gave directions to a taxi driver and he stopped, turned around to look at me, and said, "you must be Dona Luisa's son!" We laughed at her one night before a musical up on Mount Helix when she stood up and looked around at the audience. "Look at all these people," she said, "and I don't see anyone I know." As soon as I would arrive to visit her in the hospital, she would begin telling me about her nurses and their families. She valued people and relationships over all else - and even death hasn't broken these ties. Louise showed me how spending time showed your priorities. She always seemed to have an unlimited amount of time to spend on me as a child, and still as an adult. She played so much bridge that, as a child, I thought she must be one of the greatest bridge-players in the world. I was a little shocked to discover that many people were more serious about the game than she was - until I realized the game was just an excuse to share time with friends. For someone who led a very interesting life, she was never absorbed by the past. At times it could be annoying that she wasn't sentimental about objects from childhood, old photographs, or family history. She was most interested in the present, and after that, in the future. Louise was very secure in herself and was always full of confidence. I found out later that she psyched herself up to handle snakes in a Natural History Museum class because she didn't want any of the children to be afraid by seeing fear in an adult. When we were evacuated from Amman during the Six-Day War, I never saw her show any fear or act worried even when preparing to leave meant going without Darb, signing powers of attorney, and traveling in military convoys. She acted as if it was all just an inconvenience in an otherwise normal journey. While we waited for Darb in Greece, she made it a nice vacation for me. In the last couple years she kept herself busy with routines, even when both she and Darb were facing some difficult times. Facing health problems her technique was to do what she had to do, and avoid any additional drama. Many of us told her to take it easier on herself, and sometimes it was disappointing when she wouldn't. But I have come to understand now that this was her way of facing up to the challenges, and handling her fear that if she didn't press on at 100% she would crumble. With her unwaveringly positive attitude, she fooled friend and physician alike until she had nothing left at all. Her graciousness continued right up to the last days of her life. I have been comforted by the outpouring of care for my mother, for Darb, and for me. I'm grateful for all the remembrances people have shared, for the many cards, and for the flowers. I have been very fortunate to have a wonderful mother.
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
url=http://louise.darbyusa.com |
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||